The Contrarian Mindset: Facing the Fear of Not Keeping Up

In fast-paced industries—and even faster-paced lives—it’s easy to confuse momentum with meaning. The pressure to stay ahead, stay visible, or stay relevant can quietly push us into a cycle of constant chasing, often leaving us feeling disconnected and empty. But what if real success isn’t about speeding up, but about getting clear?

In this week’s Bite Size Fridays episode of It’s an Inside Job, I dive into the fear of not keeping up through the lens of the contrarian mindset. You’ll hear the story of Zoe, a rising interior architect who built a career by mastering trends—only to realize that what she was creating no longer felt like her own. Through self-reflection, she stopped reacting to external demands and started designing from within.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• How to pause and reclaim your focus in a world that glorifies urgency
• Why internal alignment beats external validation—especially in creative and professional work
• How to redefine success by letting go of borrowed expectations
• Tools for staying grounded and resilient when life gets noisy
• Why discomfort can be a compass pointing toward authenticity and growth

These insights are especially valuable if you’re a leader, creator, or professional who feels like you're constantly reacting—and you’re ready to regain a sense of purpose and direction.

Contrarian Strategies from This Episode

• Ground yourself in reality, not the rush – Ask: Is this aligned with what I value, or just what looks impressive?
• Redefine success – Move away from outside metrics and build your own rooted in clarity and integrity
• Treat resistance as a signpost – Let friction point you toward personal truth, not away from it
• Anchor in internal self-worth – Don’t rely on likes, praise, or visibility—lead from the quality of your craft
• Stay steady when things get noisy – Practice equanimity and act from clarity, not urgency
• Choose courage over comfort – Take one honest step toward what really matters

Zoe’s story is a reminder: relevance doesn’t come from racing. It comes from knowing where you stand—and why it matters.

Perfect for You If You’re Asking:

• How do I stop comparing myself to others?
• Why do I feel like I’m always behind?
• How can I lead or create from a place of purpose—not pressure?
• What does success look like on my terms?

Additional Resources

If you’re working to build a resilient, purpose-driven mindset that thrives in complexity and change, explore the rest of the Contrarian Mindset series below. Each short episode helps you tackle hidden fears and shift old habits—one mindset at a time.

This is Part 9 of a 15-part series. Catch up on earlier episodes:

1. Facing the Fear of Vulnerability
2. Breaking Free from Perfectionism
3. Moving Through Imposter Syndrome
4. Overcoming the Fear of Not Being Good Enough
5. Replacing Reactivity with Response
6. Embracing Change Instead of Resisting It
7. The Fear of Deviating from the Known Path
8. Finding Peace with the Path You’ve Chosen (FOMO)

Chapters

• 0:16 Introduction to the Podcast
• 1:42 Practical Tips for Everyday Challenges

Transcript

0:00

Music. Welcome to Bite Size Fridays on It's an Inside Job, your weekly dose of resilience and perspective to carry you into the weekend. In our last series, we focused on the 12 core skills of the contrarian mindsets, tools to build real, lasting resilience. But mindset isn't just about what we grow, it's also about what we face. This series dives into the fears and mental habits that quietly hold us back, like perfectionism, imposter syndrome, or the fear of conflict and failure. Most advice teaches you how to sidestep these fears. Well, this series, it helps you meet them head on, one mindset at a time, one breakthrough at a time. Music. But welcome back. This week, we are going to tackle the fear of not keeping up. Stephen R. Colby once said, Principles are the simplicity on the far side of complexity. In fast-moving industries, in a fast-moving life, it's easy to confuse momentum with meaning. The pressure to stay relevant, stay ahead, or stay seen can keep us constantly reaching for what's next, new tools, methods, and ideas. While the pursuit can drive short bursts of success, it can also lead to burnout, emptiness, and a nagging sense that something's missing. This episode is about that moment when we start questioning whether we're chasing growth or just motion. Now, the contrarian mindset offers a different approach. Instead of sprinting after every new development, it invites us to pause, to reflect, and to reconnect with the values that anchor us. It asks, what if the key to long-term success isn't staying ahead of the curve, but staying true to what matters most? Now, a former client of mine, Zoe, in Oslo, she was a highly sought-after interior architect who had made a name for herself by staying on the cutting edge of design trends, from open-plan living to minimalist aesthetics. She was always among the first to adopt and promote whatever was considered in at that moment. Now, clients admired her adaptability and her portfolio looked impressive, But over time, Zoe began to feel like she was designing for everyone but herself. Now, her work looked modern and polished, but it didn't feel like hers. It felt hollow to her. Attractive on the surface, but lacking depth and meaning underneath. Now, the breaking point came during a large residential project for a high-profile client. The brief was clear. Make it trend-forward, photo-ready, and magazine-worthy. And Zoe delivered exactly that. The client was thrilled and the project got attention. But Zoe left the job feeling nothing. That moment stayed with her. It clinged to her. When we began working together, Zoe described a constant tension An unspoken pressure to be of the moment Even when her instincts pulled in a different direction She had started her career with a love of storytelling through space Of creating environments that made people feel something But the story had gotten lost in the hashtags and mood boards somewhere along the way Her work was admired, but it didn't feel meaningful, That realization left her asking questions, difficult questions. Why am I doing this? Who am I designing for? Where did my sense of purpose go? Through our conversations, it became clear that Zoe wasn't just tired. She was disconnected. Disconnected from the values that had once inspired her. Disconnected from the joy that had once driven her. And most of all, disconnected from herself. Now, Zoe Schiff didn't begin with a dramatic change in direction. It began with a quiet but powerful recognition. She'd been designing for validation, not connection. That awareness opened the door to a different approach. Instead of asking, what's trending? She now asked, what matters here? She revisited the reasons she fell in love with interior architecture, creating spaces that help people feel grounded, creative, and at home in their own lives. Those values, comfort, authenticity, intentionality, they became her new compass. Of course, this change didn't go unnoticed. Some clients questioned her slower, more collaborative process, and some colleagues thought she was falling behind. But Zoe stayed grounded. She knew she wasn't turning her back on progress. She was redefining it. Her designs began to reflect deeper stories. Instead of mimicking Pinterest boards, she started drawing inspiration from clients' personal histories, the character of the building and the flow of daily life. The spaces felt more human, and so did she. Zoe's work didn't stop being beautiful, but it became something more lasting, personal, and grounded. Implementing Contrary Strategies Zoe's story highlights a shift that many of us face at some point, moving from constant adaptation to intentional alignment. It's not a flashy transformation. It's a quiet, deliberative return to what really matters. The strategies she leaned on aren't complicated, but they do require reflection and a level of courage. And here's how she made that shift and how you can apply the same principles in your own work and life. Ground yourself in reality and not the rush. Fast pace of trend chasing gave Zoe a constant sense of movement. But when she looked closer, she realized it was more like spinning than progressing. The high of doing something new didn't always translate into meaning or satisfaction. action. She started to pay closer attention to what actually felt purposeful, not just what felt exciting in the moment. So try this. Next time you feel pulled toward a new opportunity or idea, pause and ask yourself, am I energized because this truly aligns with what I value or because it looks impressive or urgent? Then think back to a recent moment when something that seemed exciting ended up feeling hollow. What might you choose differently now that you're paying attention to the difference between momentum and meaning? Redefine what success means to you. For years, Zoe had defined success by her ability to stay ahead. First to adopt a trend, first to deliver what was popular, but over time that definition stopped serving her. It became a box rather than a benchmark. When she let go of that narrow frame, she made room for a new version of success. One that was based on depth, alignment, and lasting impact. So try this. Write down your current definition of success. Be honest. Where did those ideas come from? Now take a second look. What parts feel like they're truly yours? What parts sound like expectations you've absorbed from others? Clients, industry norms, or social media? And if success were defined by alignment rather than performance, what would that look like for you? Treat resistance as a signpost, not as a stop sign. As Zoe shifted her approach, not everyone clapped. Some questioned the slower pace. Others didn't get the shift in style, but instead of seeing that pushback as a failure. She began to see it as a natural part of real change. Friction didn't mean she was on the wrong path. It meant she was finally on her path. So try this. If you're facing resistance from others or even from yourself. Ask, what is this resistance revealing about what I truly value? Not all tension is bad. Sometimes it's a sign you're taking a stand. Ask also, what's worth holding firm, even when others don't immediately see it? Anchor in internal self-worth Before her shift, Zoe's self-worth was tied to reactions, like praise and recognition. But that kind of validation always fades. Instead, she began grounding her confidence in how her work felt when it aligned with her values. That internal anchor gave her clarity, even when the external feedback was mixed. So try this. Think about a project or a moment you felt proud of, not because others loved it, but because you did. What made it feel good? Was it the process? The intention? The integrity behind it? Now, what I want you to do is list five qualities to define your best work. Not in how it looks, but in how it reflects who you are. These are your internal anchors. Return to them when the noise gets loud. Stay steady when things get noisy. As Zoe moved away from what was trendy, the noise around her didn't quiet down. It got louder. But instead of reacting, she practiced equanimity. The ability to stay calm, focused, and principled. Even when others questioned her choices. That steadiness helped her find her own voice above the rest. So try this. When you feel pressure to react, whether it's to chase a new idea, prove your worth, or meet someone else's expectations. Take a breath. Ask yourself, is this response coming from alignment or anxiety? Then act, not from urgency, but from clarity. Choose courage over comfort. Walking away from what's working is never easy. Zoe had a formula that delivered results, but it no longer felt right. Choosing to step towards something more meaningful meant stepping away from comfort. That's what courage really looks like. Taking small, honest risks in service of deeper alignment. So try this. Name one area in your life or work where you've been playing it safe by sticking with what's familiar. Then ask yourself, what's one small step I could take this week to move towards something more honest, even if it is a little uncomfortable? You don't have to change everything, but one small brave act can shift your entire direction. For any of us, choosing depth can feel like rebellion in a world obsessed with speed and novelty and external validation. What is trendy? What is hot? What is new? What is the in thing? But it's the kind of rebellion that builds resilience. And when we stick to our guns and when we stick to what we truly value, well, it creates fulfillment. It gives a sense of meaning, a sense of purpose, and it creates works and lives with lasting impact. You know, Zoe, she reconnected with her purpose by stepping away from what was trendy and toward what was timeless. She didn't abandon her industry. She just stopped letting it define her. And in the end, her success wasn't about getting ahead. It was about getting clear and that clarity. That's what allows us to build something real. If you're curious to know how to build a contrarian mindset for greater resilience, fortitude tenacity psychological strength and a sense of well-being well you'll find the links to the other episodes in this series in the show notes so make sure you hit that subscribe button and i'll be back next week with my long-form conversational episodes on monday and the latest Bite Sites episode on Friday and have yourself a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend. Music.